10
Nov '18
The Right Crowd
10
Nov '18
May I ask – how intentional are you with choosing the people (or friends) in your life?? I’ve heard this question asked in various forms many times in life. Pretty deep question if you think about it.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. – Jim Rohn
“Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are.” – Mexican Proverb
“The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” – Proverbs 12:26
I’ve thought back to the friends I’ve spent my life with over the years, and if I’m being completely honest, the way I behaved was influenced more than I’d like to admit and yes, I would find myself doing things that I wouldn’t normally do. Of course, our God-given temperaments don’t really change – but the part of us that can be influenced, can definitely be impacted by these 5 people. Although I admit the way I acted changed as people came in and out of my life, I must also say I’m definitely not a “follower” of people – I’ve always done my own thing (which makes this concept a bit more intriguing to me as a “non-follower of the crowd” for some behaviors of mine to fluctuate based on people around me). I can think back to people that were a big part of my life, and even to this day, I still carry on some traits that I learned from many of them, even though they aren’t part of my life anymore. Things become ingrained in us – almost like muscle memory, and it happens so subtly that it’s hard to even notice. Sometimes, even things that I say to this day will make me stop and think, “Oh wow.. That just reminded me of (insert name here).” Or hobbies that I’ve picked up along the way that I’m not sure I would’ve ever been introduced to if it weren’t for someone in my life at some point that was passionate about it. Some of those hobbies have now become part of my life (college football, bowling, golf, playing the ukulele, and flying kites are a few of those things!) The people we allow into our lives do leave an imprint on us (whether good or bad).
As an example, I even had something happen recently (just a few months ago) where I was hanging out weekly for a few weeks with a group of people that I know very well (and have known for a very long time), but the environment just wasn’t comfortable for me – and I surely didn’t find myself becoming closer to God while with them. Sure, I was having fun, and hanging out with some really nice people, but God did start bringing to my mind “Do I really belong here”? I was actually bummed to be honest with you, because it really was fun and we were having a great time. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, so I started questioning God: “Really, God? Do I have to stop hanging out with them?” It was as if I didn’t believe God, so I ignored Him for those few weeks, using the guise that it was all ok. Like I said, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, right?? (Right – but that was so NOT the point!) So, as God continued to speak to me (He wasn’t giving up), I finally said “Ok God.”, and came to the conclusion that I’d just back out. Wouldn’t you know it, it turned out after that, they all got busy with their lives and haven’t gotten together since (also, I gained peace from following the Lord’s prompting).
I love that God is so invested in our lives that He allows things to happen that may appear like a coincidence. Like, out of the blue when I decided to back out, no one was available anymore? Hmmm… Is it crazy to think that God decided to just have it all fizzle out anyway? I could be wrong, but all I know is that God took care of it for me. I just wasn’t feeling as comfortable as I may have years ago, and God allowed me to feel that way by tugging at my heart and bringing it to my attention that I didn’t belong there. God can make us feel uncomfortable about things, and it’s up to us to act on what He’s trying to tell us. So, I made the choice to listen to Him.
“Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.” (Paraphrased: “You can’t keep a clean reputation while hanging around messy people).” – 1 Corinthians 15:33 NLT
“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” – Proverbs 27:17 NLT
So, as Christians, we should still absolutely recognize those that don’t follow Christ, be a light to them, encourage them and tell them about Jesus (we have to remember that we’re just as “messy” and “sinful” as everyone else – we just strive to be more like Christ and ask for forgiveness when we stumble). We also need to be cognizant to the 5 people we personally hang out with “the most” and ask: Are they providing support, Godly counsel, encouragement, are they lifting us up in prayer, loving us through the good times, as well as the bad, are they challenging us to grow? Are they a positive, or a negative influence on our life? Building us up, or tearing us down? Are they leading us toward God, or away from God? Do we find ourselves closer to God when we’re with them? (Ouch.. I know I’m not too popular by asking these questions.. But know, friends, I had to ask myself these same questions).
I’m so blessed with the friends that I find myself currently surrounded with, and I’m thankful that they are all in my life. My life has been changing and morphing into something better than I could’ve imagined this year, and much of it has to do with friends who are leading me toward Christ. I find myself growing closer to Him when I’m with them. That’s where I want (and need) to be.
So, to wrap this up, it’s true that the people we hang out with can (and do) make a big impact on our life and we should ask God for wisdom when it comes to choosing friends. With that being said, who are the top 5 friends you hang out with?
….and the most important question I’ll ask you today – is Jesus in your “top 5”??
*Dena*
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Dena,
I want to thank you for this thought provoking post. I, like many others, can relate to being in a friendship that wasn’t God-honoring.
First and foremost, it’s vital for us to be obedient followers of Christ. In 2 Corinthians 6:14-16, Paul admonishes, “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God…..”. Then, in 2 Cor. 6:17a, he instructs, “Therefore, come out from among unbelievers and separate yourselves from them.”
Paul was not telling us to avoid unbelievers at all cost, for that would be contradictory of Matthew 28:19 (The Great Commission). Rather, he was making the distinction that we are not to enter into sustained friendships with those who do not profess to know Christ. What exactly is a ‘sustained friendship’? It’s a friendship that involves frequent, social interaction and shared activities (e.g. doing life together). I suspect there will be some that think this is a radical point of view. I didn’t write it, however, and the Author, who did, wrote it for our own safety. The old adage, “You can’t play with fire and not get burned” holds true. I Cor 15:33 says it best, “Bad company spoils good character”.
I know I kind of parked on the subject of friendships that exist between a believer and an unbeliever, but perhaps even more detrimental to our spiritual health, is a sustained friendship with someone who professes to know Christ, but lives contrary to Scripture. Sometimes, the harm it’s causing is not immediately obvious. That’s the clever trickery of the enemy, however. He is good at convincing us that we’re being judgmental or ‘holier than thou’ if we are taken aback by unChristlike behavior from our friends. Many times, we merely excuse it, and continue to hang around people whose words and actions chisel away at our own Christian convictions.
What a great post, Dena! This topic is very relevant, and the struggle to be in the world, but not of the world is real!
Robin.. So glad you felt this was relevant; I sure did, as well. Thank you for posting these great thoughts of yours – I love what you wrote, and what a great addition to this blog! 🙂
Hugs, Dena